


But I don't wanna be okay without you

by StarksDeservedBetter (orphan_account)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Farmhouse of Love, Fluff, Healing, Mon-El doesn't exist, Slow Burn, There ain't no S5 queerbaiting in this bitch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:01:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22443769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/StarksDeservedBetter
Summary: Kara is fired from Catco and is at a loss of what to do. She asks Clark if she can head out to the Kent farm for a little while to have some time out on her own. Clark of course says yes, but warns her that no one lives there so it might need a bit of work to get it back into shape.Kara arrives to the farm and it turns out Clark was right It’s not in great condition, but Kara is more than happy to fix it. She’s looking forward to some peace and quiet, but that all changes in a few days when a car rolls up and out steps Lena Luthor. Her solace comes to an abrupt end, but Kara doesn’t mind the company at all, until Lena sees something she definitely shouldn’t have.Title.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 154





	But I don't wanna be okay without you

**Author's Note:**

> I should preface this by saying this fic may hit a sore spot for anyone with identity issues and currently dealing with self hatred.  
> Also yes I use Smallville Clark as my Clark, soz not soz
> 
> Ps fuck season 5B and all it stands for.

She could throw Snapper into a sun, or bury him in the Earth’s core, or heat his coffee cup up so much it exploded in his hand and his ugly face would get even uglier. She could. But she won’t. Because that’s not her. Instead, Kara sat on her couch with her legs tucked underneath her and stabbed the remaining potstickers absentmindedly. If Alex was here, she’d be looking at Kara with her usual quiet concern since Kara hadn’t hoovered them all up. But she wasn’t here. Kara was alone, with just her thoughts for company.

That was until she heard her window push open, and a familiar face peeked through the curtains of her apartment.

“Kal?” Kara exclaimed.

She sat upright and put a hand on the top of her couch excitedly.

“What are you doing here? How did you know which window was open?”

Clark Kent stepped into her apartment and pulled her curtains shut behind him.

You can take the boy out of Kansas, but you can’t take Kansas out of the boy, Kara thought, and smiled at both her thought and the presence of her cousin, who she rarely got to see.

“Well I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I’d drop in to say hi,” Clark said. “That and I smelled some uneaten potstickers and knew something was up.”

Kara folded her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes into a glare.

“Alex asked you to come by, didn’t she?” she asked in a demanding tone.

“I can’t confirm or deny that.”

He walked over to her coffee table and sat in a chair on the corner, which just happened to be where Alex liked to sit when Kara needed some space.

“Mainly because I’ve been threatened by my source that if I give her up, she’ll lock me in a Kryptonite cage until I say I’m sorry.”

“Alex would never,” Kara said dismissively.

“But she knows how to make a good threat,” Clark pointed out.

Kara shrugged; she had to concede that her sister did know how to scare the pants off of people.

“If I recall right, you told me about a nightmare you had involving a Kryptonite cage,” she added.

“Yeah, Lionel Luthor put me in it for my safety,” Clark said in a soft, angry voice.

“And yet people are surprised Lex turned out how he is,” Kara commented.

“You know, Lex was once a good person,” Clark said. “Before he grew up… Anyway, I don’t think you want to sit here talking about the Luthor way of raising kids and how they all turn out bad in the end.”

Kara felt her anger spike when Clark inferred all Luthors were bad. Lena wasn’t bad, and if he was going to throw her into the same pile as Lex and Lionel, he had another thing coming.

“You’re right, I don’t,” she said coolly. “So what did Alex send you over for?”

“You’re not answering your phone Kara. She’s worried about you,” Clark explained.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Kara snapped back.

“Is that why you’re sitting here watching  _ Marley and Me _ and not finishing your potstickers?” Clark pointed out.

Kara looked at the TV, which was playing out her favourite sad movie quietly. She’d almost forgotten about it since she was picturing punching Snapper in the face.

“That could be because of anything,” she said adamantly.

“But it’s not, is it?” Clark asked.

Kara let out a long, heavy sigh and slumped her shoulders. She put aside the styrofoam box and hugged her arms around her chest.

“I got fired from Catco,” she said quietly.

“How come?”

“I published an article on my own. I thought I was doing the right thing, but my boss disagreed. I made a mistake Clark, and it cost me everything I have,” she wailed.

Clark frowned at her, but didn’t move.

“It hasn’t cost you everything Kara,” he said. “You’re still a hero to millions of people.”

“I can’t figure out how to be Kara  _ and _ Supergirl! How do I balance them? How do I like myself as Kara, just Kara, when all I wanted to be was someone else?” Kara asked.

Clark sat there in silence. He looked at her and Kara knew he’d been in this situation before, probably more than once. After a long moment of quiet, save for the movie in the background, Clark nodded to himself and leaned forward a little.

“I get it Kara,” Clark said. “When was the last time you took time out for yourself?”

Kara had to think about that. Ever since she’d become Supergirl, she hadn’t stopped. She’d thrown herself into her duties again and again, even when she thought she couldn’t do it anymore. Because if she stopped, she’d have to just be Kara for a while. And she knew she wouldn’t be happy with whom she saw in the mirror if she did.

“I haven’t,” she admitted.

“Why don’t you then?” Clark asked.

“Where am I meant to go to take time out Clark?” Kara asked. “National City is my home, I have to protect this place and these people.”

“Kara, you don’t have to protect them to the point where you’re unable to fight anymore,” Clark said.

“Who’s going to do it then?” Kara asked, with her voice rising in anger.

“Me,” Clark countered. “I can look after it while you put your feet up and chill out for a bit.”

“I won’t let you do that,” Kara snapped.

“Kara, I’m telling you, you need a break or you are going to do damage to yourself,” Clark pressed.

“Not on this planet I won’t!” Kara roared.

“Kara there are people out there who can kill us,” Clark growled. “And I won’t stand by and watch you wear yourself down to nothing and end up getting yourself killed. Neither will Alex. You were always meant to look after me, but we are family. And families care for each other.”

“So what am I meant to do then Kal?” Kara snapped.

She stood up off of the couch and began to pace back and forth behind it.

“Just hang my cape up, put up a ‘Gone Fishing’ sign on my door and just go?”

Clark was always better at keeping his cool than she was. He sat there and let her vent and pace in anger, being patient the whole time.

“You could go to the farm,” he said after he let Kara fume for a good minute.

Kara stopped pacing and looked at him, stunned by his offer.

“As in, your family farm?” she asked for clarification.

“Yes, the Kent farm,” Clark confirmed.

Kara gawked at him, open mouthed.

“That… Kal, I couldn’t. What about Martha? I’d be intruding on her space,” she said.

“Mom doesn’t live there anymore,” Clark said. “It’s my little solace. No one will be able to find you. You can go off grid for as long as you need, recharge a bit. There’s plenty of work for you to do as well. It’s probably in need of some good repairs.”

Kara stood still and looked at Clark.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“As serious as a heart attack,” Clark joked, stealing one of her dorky lines.

“I…” Kara began to say.

She couldn’t find the words to explain her gratitude. Instead, she crossed the floor and threw her arms around Clark and wrapped him in a tight hug. Clark hugged her back, and even returned her little pat on the back, which was her trademark in hugs.

“Thank you Kal,” she muttered in his ear.

“Hey, don’t sweat it,” Clark said. “This is what families are for. You also should probably thank Alex too.”

They separated, and Kara tucked her hair back behind her ears.

“I probably need to raid her wardrobe too,” Kara said. “Maybe I can steal a pair of her boots, the really good ones…”

“I’d be careful if I were you,” Clark said with a laugh. “She knows where you live.”

“Oh come on, what is she going to do?” Kara said.

“Well she could shut down all the good food places while you’re gone,” Clark pointed out.

Kara gasped in mock shock.

“She wouldn’t!” she exclaimed.

“She might,” Clark warned. “You better go ask her nicely.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Kara said. “Thanks again Kal, I owe you one.”

“No, you don’t,” Clark responded. “You owe yourself this break.”

Kara smiled at his honesty. Clark nodded at her, and she took her cue and sped out of the window and into the cool night air. She had to go thank Alex, and steal some clothes while she was at it.

—

“Kara you can’t just bust in here without saying anything!” Alex screeched.

“Don’t leave your place unlocked then,” Kara said flippantly. “Hey Maggie.”

“Kara,” Maggie said in her warm, husky voice.

“I’m also not looking at you,” Kara said. “But please, keep the sheets up.”

“Like I would ever drop them!” Alex grumbled. “What’s so important?”

“I just wanted to thank you and say how much I love you, and also steal your clothes,” Kara blurted out.

Alex sat a little more upright and raised one eyebrow at Kara.

“I didn’t know talking at super speed was a new power of yours,” she chided.

Maggie laughed, and Kara frowned and turned around. She put her hands on her hips and pouted.

“Look out Alex, it’s the super pout,” Maggie teased.

“Fine, I won’t thank you for being so thoughtful,” Kara grumbled.

“It’s fine, you’re my sister, I’m obligated to make sure you look after yourself, even though you’re practically invincible,” Alex said in a tired voice. “Just take what you want, and if you damage anything, you’re paying for it.”

“Thanks, sis!” Kara squealed.

Normally it would have taken her a few minutes to get everything. But she wanted to get out of there as soon as she could, especially since she had interrupted whatever was going on in Alex’s bedroom. So she sped through Alex’s clothes and filled her arms, and was back in the sky before Alex probably had the time to blink. As she was flying through the cool night air, trying not to drop anything, she had a pang of heartache. She wanted what Alex and Maggie had; pure, uninhibited love. She’d read a Catco article about how people don’t find love until they can love themselves. And right now Kara wasn’t in love with her Danvers self. As she turned around a building and headed for her flat, she saw a star shoot across the sky. She didn’t know if it was her cousin burning up as he re-entered the atmosphere or what, but she made a wish anyway.

_ I wish that I could be happy. _


End file.
